I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
