Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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