He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Damn victory sex feels great
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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