that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize