i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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