i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
