You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
