I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
