just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize