I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
