i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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