I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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