hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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