I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
