I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
