i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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