apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
