We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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