mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
