You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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