I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
