mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
