after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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