'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
