Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
