Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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