I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
