i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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