i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
