Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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