we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
