At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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