My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
false alarm, still single
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