I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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