she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
