i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
