turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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