i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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