Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
