This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
