Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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