Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
