I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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