I heard we made out
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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