then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
