chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
