Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
