So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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