She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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