why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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