y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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