drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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