ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
