Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
