Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
