Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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