You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
