69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
