24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
