You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
