Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
