The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
