and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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