I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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