I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
