His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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