If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize