from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
3 2 1 whiskey
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
