If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
