she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
