The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
