$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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